Grateful

I recently hit the 3 year mark on my journey in sobriety and one word that can sum it up the most is grateful. Today I’m grateful to be present for my kids when their needs arise.  I’m grateful that I can be real in every circumstance and with every person. I was such a follower who just wanted to fit in when I was drinking, and its such freedom to know I don’t have to be anyone but myself anymore. I truly am grateful to find the real me. I never knew who I was while I was drinking, I only knew what I thought other people wanted me to be. I can now be my authentic self and I am so grateful for the joy and freedom I have found in sobriety. I may have put a good show on when I was drinking, but inside I was a mess,  I used wake up and look in the mirror and despise the person that I saw and I felt like I was in a prison of my on making with no way to get out. Looking back, I know it was the culmination of years of binge drinking and abusing my body. It was the final straw in years of blackouts, failed relationships, and self-loathing. I knew that it couldn’t be all there was. I knew deep down inside drinking wasn’t fun for me anymore and that it was the only thing that, year after year, kept making my life more chaotic and in a downward spiral.

My three year mark was a pretty ordinary day, I spent it with my family putting away the Christmas décor and hitting up some stores so my wife can find new stuff to fill our house with. But I felt very happy all day and super proud of myself all day long, it was a glorious feeling. I’ve chosen to be a visible person in recovery and with that comes people who understand, judge or just don’t get it. This is all fine and I understand but for someone who has battled certain areas in life the way that I have, three years sober is pretty fucking amazing!

Making the decision to quit drinking three years ago has been the absolute defining moment in my life. Sobriety has brought me every good thing I have received in these last 3 years. Even on days when I’m feeling sad, or going through something hard, I’m actually still happy deep down inside at my core. That’s what real freedom is, having faith that it will all work out and being grateful for every single tiny second of this precious thing we call life.