It's Just Not For Me

Some people are under the impression that I'm anti AA because I do not attend meetings. Absolutely not. If you are serious about sobering up, then I suggest that you attend some meetings. I also recommend that you go to a few different locations. You might find a perfect group for you and find that AA is just the right thing for you. For me,  attending AA helped me discover that the only way I could stay sober and lead a normal life, was if I did it myself. I have attended 50+ meetings at 4 different locations and AA only depressed me. I heard the same stories of emptiness and destruction over and over again. I was constantly being reminded that I am weak, flawed, filled with defects, I'm a despicable person. I heard the same stories again and again and to me it felt like some people just liked hearing themselves talk. I felt threatened and it seemed like people were assuring me of failure if I didn't follow their way, work the steps, accept a higher power and give my power over to a god. I don't like being bullied or people telling me I will fail if I do not follow their path. Call me stubborn if you will.  Ironically, I felt more like drinking after I left a meeting than before I got there. I do somewhat credit AA with helping me develop my own plan and to use my own willpower in staying sober for almost 3 years.

As society changes and social media keeps evolving, our own personal level of understanding and absorbing new knowledge improves, many of the old,  belief systems must improve and change. Too many systems and programs are old hat. I will agree that there is truth in the core of the ideals, but they were started at a time when people were not so socially connected. Today we have the opportunity to connect with other individuals who are in similar situations as we are. We can connect and learn from reading their writing, chatting online or just following their examples. Read, learn, educate yourself and discover what will be best for you, because only YOU will live your life. Your sponsor or your AA pals will not.

I don’t like to be around drunks. I find drunken people to be annoying and a waste of my time. Funny thing is, I used to be one of those drunken, annoying people. Don’t get me wrong, this doesn’t mean I think I am better than anyone because I am not. I just don’t drink. But I also don’t like to be around former drunks who continue to whine about their past and keep reliving it. I think that talking about my past behaviors is good for me to a point. But to continuously berate yourself and relive a drunken past through guilt is not productive in my opinion. That’s just the way I attack it, I am not saying it is better or the right way, it is just my way.