Being a dad was something I always looked forward to and growing up I dreamed of having kids of my own one day. I would teach them how to play sports, show them the ropes, work hard for the things they want, to always be honest and not to take things for granted.
When I was younger I thought by the time I had turned 25 I would have a wife, a few kids, a high paying job, so on and so forth. But alcohol seemed to overrule those aspirations throughout the majority of my 20’s. I can honestly say that I struggled with alcohol for at least 10 years and created a great deal of destruction along the way. I became very selfish and being responsible for another human being was completely out of the question.
However, I met my wife before I got sober, we got married before I got sober and she got pregnant before I got sober. I was terrified when she got pregnant. Was I really going to be a dad? How could I live up to this? Questions I’m sure all soon to be fathers have. As my anxiety grew so did her belly and instead of preparing to be a father, my drinking continued to get worse. Was I really ready to be a father? Obviously not.
June 2013 we had our baby boy. As soon as I saw his face I was extremely happy but I was also scared, I had a feeling that I wouldn’t be able to live up to be the father that he deserved. The only way I knew how to cope with these feelings was to drink so that I didn’t have to deal with them. I was ashamed of my past and who I was as a person and being a father scared the shit out of me.
I am not proud of the way I started my time as a father but I’m positive I couldn’t be the father I am today without sobriety. Sobriety gave me more than just a life without alcohol, it gave me the chance to be the father that I always wanted to be. I enjoy every minute I spend with both of my kids. Watching them grow and learn so fast never ceases to amaze me. I’m proud to be a dad and grow older with this beautiful gift of raising children. Don’t get me wrong, being a dad isn’t always easy but for me it’s worth it and I credit my sobriety for putting me in a position to be there for my family.