When my son was born, and I saw his face, I knew he was the one I was supposed to meet. You know what I mean? His eyes were open. They were stone-colored, and he looked hard at me. I was absolutely
flattened by love. I swore to myself I’d do my best. My best turned out to be 6 more months of addiction.
I never fully understood my problem with alcohol until I became a parent.
As an addict, I only liked to believe that my behaviors only damaged me and nobody else. What I did was nobody else’s business. But that was a delusion crafted by the disease of addiction. In reality, my behaviors affected friends, relatives, co-workers
and everyone I came into contact with. With addiction, no one suffers more than those we most want to protect, our children.
know that many people are able to drink and parent and have no problems. I am not one of those people. Having two children, I cannot imagine tying one off while my kids are in bed and then trying to parent hung-over in the morning. Or what if one of my kids
got sick in the middle of the night and I was too drunk to do anything about it? It is these types of things that help me put into perspective why I cannot drink. Some of you may read this and think that I sound like an asshole or that these statements sound
ignorant to you because you can drink and parent just fine. High five! I am not you.
While getting sober has been a major milestone for me, it doesn’t mean that as a
parent I have a clue on how to prevent my children from facing the same obstacles that I did. Sometimes I feel like I really have no clue what I am doing when it comes to parenting. I think that I still hinder myself by the fact that I was an active alcoholic
for a good portion of my adult life and I feel like the life lessons that I was supposed to learn, I just didn’t. But I have to quickly remember that all of these “problems”
are also my gifts of sobriety and that I would never have all this to complain about if I was not sober today.
my daughter was born, and I saw her face, I knew that this time around my best was going to be better, right from the start.